Stay strong, love

So here’s my story.

            My parents got divorced when I was 6 years old and my sister and I lived with my mom and visited my dad a few times a week. This was all fine until my mom’s alcoholism took over all of our lives. My dad’s alcoholism was also severe, but my mom was an extremely over emotional and angry alcoholic who ruined my family. Her mental and emotional abuse was so negatively powerful and made such an impact on me and my sister. When I was 11 years old I became depressed. I guess that it was this time because I repressed my childhood memories and found a poem about my pain and depression from when I was 11. Anyway, my depression went on for 5 years without relief. I also had an anxiety attack almost every day of my life. I turned to poetry and music to find a little bit of an escape, but nothing could help me.

When I was 14 years old, we moved out of my mom’s house and in with my dad and his girlfriend. I thought this would help, but the depression still got worse, and at age 14 I planned my suicide. I had it all figured out and was just waiting for something to push me over the edge. Thankfully, nothing did and I never went through with it. However, I started self-harming and I became anorexic. These went on for months, unnoticed.  

At some point in here, my dad ended up in the hospital after a heart attack. This was I believe when I was 14 as well, so it was just a really rough time. Time passed, and things just stayed the same. I tried going to a therapist, but it didn’t help anything. During all of this time I had gone to church a few times, but I never really knew God. I never realized that He wanted a relationship with me. Then, my dad’s drinking led him to the hospital again. This time, he had pancreatitis and all of his organs started to fail. My sister and I went to the hospital and were in the waiting room when we found this out. There were two people sitting in the waiting room as well and they asked us if we wanted to pray for my dad. So we did a prayer circle and asked God to heal my dad. A few minutes later, the doctor walked in and told us that my dad’s organs all miraculously started working again and that he was recovering and would be okay. If that’s not God, I don’t know what is.

More time passed and, since my cutting had stopped, it somehow started again and I developed another eating disorder. Once again no one noticed either. I got worse and worse and thought it was never going to end. This year, in probably March or April, I had been asking God to send me someone to help me to find Him because I knew that I couldn’t live like that anymore and something had to change. Then my friend Lydia showed up and asked me if I wanted to go to a bible study she was starting. So I went, and soon I started going to her youth group as well. When I went to that church, it was the first time I felt God’s presence and it was the most wonderful, beautiful, moving, life-changing experience of my life that far. So I kept going to youth group, and I started going to church there on Wednesdays and Sundays as well. One Sunday night when we were all praying at the altar, I remember I was asking God to change me into the person He wanted me to be because I was still depressed and broken, practically shattered. Up to this point, I had barely seen or talked to my mom because I still got an anxiety attack every time I did either of those things. But the day after I asked God to change me, I felt as if I was on auto-pilot mode and decided to go see my mom. We ended up talking for three hours and patched things up. God had taken away the alcoholism from her, and He had been working on my dad as well through AA. After talking to my mom, it was all gone. It was as if the weight of everything had just lifted off of my shoulders. The depression went away, I stopped cutting, and the eating disorders stopped along with the anxiety attacks. God brought me to my mom that day, I’m certain it was nothing inside of me.

God healed me from all of those terrible things. Just a few weeks ago, I got baptized in Jesus’ name and it was the most amazing thing. God is so amazing. If He could turn my life completely around in such a short time, He can change yours as well. I know He can and if you seek Him, He will. God has saved me, my mom, my dad, and my sister in so many ways.  Now, I’m doing everything I can to live for my Savior, Redeemer, Father, Counselor, and best friend; the Holy One who deserves all praise and glory.